Resilient Grace: Tasha’s Journey from Addiction and Dis-ease to Healing

on inside. Then, right? We just go for maladaptive tools to survive. And so I, from a young age, went to various different eating disorder recovery facilities, and that’s what started my journey of healing. And you know, like you said, it’s very layered. It’s very multifaceted, but that’s where it started.

 

Manon Bolliger  04:28

So if you can, sort of like, pick one or two or maybe three main things in this journey, like, what were the awakening moments, and how did you transition to, oh, there’s another layer to this.

 

Tasha Darwent  04:44

Totally, yeah. So in my…this was when I was in my third treatment center. I was, I mean, I was probably at the deepest point of suffering in my life. You know, I had kind of gotten just so stuck in my OCD mind. And in anorexia and bulimia, and I was malnourished, and I really had a lot of self hatred and trauma, and didn’t know how to deal with it. And I was, you know, in terms of spirituality and self awareness, I think like this is when things really cracked open for me and in the program we, we had to read the book The Power of Now. And I had this, this was probably one of my deepest, like, you know, clairvoyant moments, where I felt this like what felt like the peace of God within me for the first time ever, you know. And I recognized I wasn’t my mind, I wasn’t my thoughts, I wasn’t this eating disorder, I wasn’t my emotions, I wasn’t my body, you know. I really recognized that I wasn’t all these patterns and these coping mechanisms, you know, and these stories about myself, that they weren’t the truth, but that they were very, very deeply conditioned, and they were a result in part, of being disconnected from the truth of who I really was, you know, of the light of the higher consciousness. And so that that specific moment really just it was, you know, as they typically go, right on the tails of probably some of my most intense suffering and most intense kind of forgetting of who I was, and just feeling completely absorbed in darkness, you know, and shadow and ego. And as I stayed with that process, you know, I read that book, and it kind of cracked me open, and it set a stage for this, this deeper understanding of who I was and how to work with my mind and my emotions and get back into my body. And, you know, it started that. It started that,

 

Manon Bolliger  06:56

Yeah, I mean, it’s a wonderful book, and when he talks about the pain body and that whole, you know, ability to see yourself, in a sense, like a soul, having experience in a body, but none of it is yours, you know. But it’s, it’s a very heavy book. I mean, I don’t know, do you know about,I’m sure you do, but Byron Katie, uh huh, yeah. Okay, so I look at her as the one who makes his work easy to understand.

 

Tasha Darwent  07:32

Sure, sure.

 

Manon Bolliger  07:33

Yeah, for questions, you know. But when you go down that road, it’s the same kind of you end up kind of realizing that you are, you know, you, your essence, your soul, is, is on a journey,

 

Tasha Darwent  07:47

Yeah, yeah. And it totally, and it just really made sense of something I had never been able to conceptualize. And I think, you know, the repetition he uses in that book, and, like, you know, it’s like, yeah, it can kind of throw you for a loop, I think, a bit and, and also, I think I don’t know, for me, I just had such a need to hear what was said in that book at the time, and I needed it to, like, be pounded into me. So, you know, I was like, I could start to break through my own patterning a bit. It served the purpose of that. Yeah.

 

Manon Bolliger  08:26

And it really makes you realize you know how that type of interpretive approach is missing in so many programs. You know, whether it’s addiction or trauma or all kinds of programs, that as long as you feel that you are not a light, you’re going to…your ego is going to blame you for everything, and you have to let your ego be right, right? That’s just how we’re made until we realize that it’s, it doesn’t even work in that paradigm. We’re asking the wrong questions, right? So how could you have the right answers, you know? So no, and I think, yeah, work like that is, it’s essential to breaking all these patterns, you know? So it’s profound.

 

Tasha Darwent  09:20

Yeah, I totally agree. And I think that’s why it was such a turning point for me, because I had never gotten that before. You know, I had never gotten that deeper sense of, like, wait, I am a soul here on a journey. This is part of my healing, like, and, you know, yeah, I totally agree. And that’s why I like to approach things really holistically, both in my life and when I work with clients, because I see because I’ve seen for myself okay for a while, I just thought, Okay. I just need to tend to the emotional and the spiritual, and that’s all I really need to do. Granted, I always took care of my body like I always was aware of what I ate and took care of it as best I could. But in terms of as I went along in this process for a while, you know, I really thought spiritually and emotionally, all I have to do is tend to that, because that’s the highest, right? Like my spirit is the highest. I am a spirit. I am divine. So I should be able to just use those powers to completely heal everything in my physical form and my emotional right and in every element of my life. And that was another chapter that I eventually learned more things I needed to learn, because that wasn’t because the healing the physical and having the right tools for that is so important, and the emotional and the spiritual and all of it, in my opinion, really needs to be a part of the journey. Because if not, then we’re doing ourself a disservice. Because we are multi dimensional beings, right? We have a body like we have to take care of it, you know.

 

Manon Bolliger  11:03

So with your as a body experience, I mean, I’m sure that, I mean, the anorexia would have an impact, but also, also the autoimmune condition you had, right? So what were…what was the learning that you had when you decided, Okay, I’ve got to look after the body?

 

Tasha Darwent  11:25

Yeah, yeah. I think that you know. I think you know, as I mentioned, I knew I needed. I had a hard time taking care of my body from a young age because of the eating disorder challenges, so I was very hard on my body, you know, and that was, that was the way that, you know, my survival patterns kind of played out. But as I got into my, you know, kind of 20s or so, I started to experience some really intense autoimmune symptoms, you know, including, like, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, and then I started exhibiting symptoms of celiac, and then, you know, ovarian challenges and problems, as well as some really major neurological issues with brain fog and cognitive issues that were really alarming, you know. And so in about 2009 that’s when things really kind of got to a head with the symptoms, the physical symptoms I was experiencing. And then I kind of started a deeper dive into, you know, looking into meeting with naturopaths and functional medicine. And I was meeting with doctors both on conventional sides of things, as well as alternative, and trying all kinds of different diets. And, you know, just whatever I could get my hands on that I thought could help me get to the root of healing these now very present physical symptoms I was experiencing. And, you know, I saw, you know, a naturopath that helps me for, I feel like a few years to kind of improve some things, some thyroid issues, some symptoms. But ultimately, I got sicker and sicker over this course of about, it would be about 11 years. So from 2009 until, you know, about four and a half years ago or so, my symptoms were just getting worse. And so I…and during this whole time, like I said, I was on that search of like, okay, this isn’t working. Okay, what’s next? Okay, what could be the route here? Right? As I kind of just grasping at straws, but not knowing what to do and where to find the right information. And so in the course of that time, I had numerous bowel surgeries, emergency bowel surgeries, because I had a history of bowel obstructions at this point, which I think clearly also linked back to my earlier days of eating challenges and just constantly being in fight or flight and not being able to be in rest and digest and have that relaxation in my nervous system to allow myself to break down food and to, you know, it lowered my immune system over time and right. So, you know, I was hospitalized a lot for bowel obstructions, and I ended up having to get 18 inches of my intestines removed, and I also had, like an ovarian cyst that ruptured and wrapped around my fallopian tube, and so I needed to get that removed in a pretty emergent way.

 

Manon Bolliger  14:53

Is it…sorry before you go on to how it changed. Yeah, but it’s interesting. You know, hearing, I mean, obviously my training, I’ve been 30 years of naturopath, doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to go. I promise you that, because my journey has is not about that, but that is what I was doing, you know, until a few years back. But it’s very interesting. It sounds like the the approaches of naturopathy were also void of the that whole bigger picture. I mean, when you look at allopathy and you know the emergency, when you get you have to, or some people say you have to take out this or that, or whatever you’re definitely then, you know, into the Descartes, but cut out pieces and throw them out and whatever.

 

Tasha Darwent  15:52

You don’t need them anyway. They say, you know, right. Yeah,

 

Manon Bolliger  15:57

For that to be devoid of, you know, of that larger understanding of our journey, you know, is not so surprising. But I have, I have found that in my own profession, there’s very few, maybe the ones who all started ages ago, you know, that have held on to this, you know, this natural healing, the fact that our body is capable of so much more that there’s a force within us. You know, it’s all different words. But, you know, it sounds like many of the new ones that are actually practicing now are very mechanical. And, you know, you take this and this and that, and you know, it’s back to playing mini God with natural things, rather than cocktails that they use. But it’s unfortunately becoming more and more the same philosophy, which is not big enough, not healing enough.

 

Tasha Darwent  17:06

Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. And I think, you know. And so I work as a holistic health coach now, and I’ve, I’ve gotten to know a lot of different some naturopaths during my trainings and and I did see one back in the day who I first started seeing, around 2009 who actually, he was really wonderful, because he did hold this holistic view, truly, of who his patients are, as a as a spirit, and look at the multi dimensional being, and kind of really, really tend to that in, you know, as much as he could in the scope of his practice, I felt. And that was like a rare gift I felt like to receive. But after that, and with him, it just I…looking back, I just realized I didn’t get to the root of what was happening. Because I think that, I think sometimes that information isn’t out there, you know, and I think it also really depends on the individual in my experience, right? And like now, I have an a naturopath. She’s a friend of mine, but I, you know, kind of, you know, I’ve trained with her, and we’re good friends, and so we dialog about, you know, supporting each other and our practices and whatnot. And I see the way that she approaches her clients, and it’s very much like this, this really well rounded way to look at things. And I’ve also had the experience you’re talking about, I think, more often than not, unfortunately, where that hasn’t been the way that it’s been held. And, you know, I didn’t get results that way we could say.

 

Manon Bolliger  18:51

No, no, but I think, I think it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s a good point to me, you know, because the name of a profession is not totality of what the person can bring. And then you know to always kind of trust that it may you know when you have an instinct that this isn’t going anywhere. And it’s not because you have prejudice against whatever you know, the natural thing, homeopathy, or whatever it might be that people have issues with. You know, when we get past your own stuff, you know, it’s then, is this the right door? Because it close it quickly, if it’s not, and move on, because there are doors, there are doors, there’s lots of them.

 

Tasha Darwent  19:39

Yeah. I mean, absolutely, I think I had such a hard time walking away as soon as I knew it wasn’t well, it was hard to discover, because I had so much, I had so much like trust and respect in this person, and I think, and I think he’s a great person, and really very knowledgeable about very many things and helped a lot of people. And yet, for me and my particular symptoms, I was like hope, holding on, hoping things would work or shift when they were actually just getting worse for me for various different reasons. And so, yeah, I really, I agree with you on that, like that. I think part of my healing process so much is learning, learning to trust my own body, my own intuition, my own sense of things, more and more and more, and that’s actually been a huge component of self advocacy. Whether it’s in a hospital situation or even just just now, like I broke my foot, for instance. So I’m here, my foot’s elevated here, and I could tell that I had a stress fracture, right? But I went to the ortho doc, who said, No, you have, you know, perineal tendinitis. And I was like, really doesn’t feel right. And anyway, okay, he’s got 18 years experience. Okay, maybe I’ll just try it out. And I’ve been walking on it for a week in a boot, and it’s just been getting worse, and my instinct in that moment was get an MRI. It was very strong. It was very clear, like, respectfully share this with the doctor, like, this is what I would like to do. And I’m just reminded today as I got another appointment, and she said, Yeah, I think you have a fracture, and you know, we need to get an MRI. And I said, Ah, I knew it. I knew it. But the listening to ourself and trusting ourself with our own bodies and our own healing in every capacity, right, is so critical. And I feel like we continue to get to learn these lessons, because we’re human and we, you know, that’s, that’s how it is, right?

 

Manon Bolliger  21:46

It really is a dance, you know, because you were talking about that original naturpath Who you respected, right? May well have been able to treat a condition with the conditions you had, but not in you

 

Tasha Darwent  22:04

Not in me, exactly.

 

Manon Bolliger  22:06

Not in you, because there were layers or parts that to see something else first, right? So it truly, it’s a dance. It’s like, you know it, and that’s why we, I mean, I’m a real advocate for self advocacy, you know, because, and we don’t know until we figure it out eventually, you know, you kind of learn to trust I had to write this time, and hey, you could be wrong, right? But it doesn’t make them have more rights on your own body, right? Like.

 

Tasha Darwent  22:43

Yep, that’s it. That’s a paradigm. I feel like. That’s a structure that we all have to break.

 

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Tasha Darwent  23:50

You know, because, like, it is our body. It is our free will, but the paradigm, it’s tricky, because we are sort of told and programmed to look to doctors when we’re in a vulnerable place. And of course, look to practitioners, look to therapists, look to naturopaths, look to and that is, obviously, there’s really, really wonderful benefit that can come from that, you know? And it’s just like, all right, how do we consult our guidance all the way through this experience? And we kind of, we kind of check in with ourselves at various stages and say, Oh, does does this fit for me? Let me feel into this. How is this going for me? Right? Versus just blindly say with disregard to ourselves, like trusting in someone else, be it a doctor or whomever, without checking in with ourselves. Because, that’s right.

 

Manon Bolliger  24:51

You know, it’s critical thinking is missing in schools now. There is regurgitate so you don’t learn to think. And I think in medicine in general, in healing, what’s missing, too is a lot of the practitioners missing their own journey of, you know, like now you have all these, you know, doctors who, for example, gave the, I don’t know if I have to hide the word still.

 

Tasha Darwent  25:23

I don’t know either, but I know what you’re talking about.

 

Manon Bolliger  25:26

That CVID thing, and they, you know, you know, all doctors have had to have an oath do no harm. But you know, they get they’re trying to get off the hook saying, well, it wasn’t my responsibility. I trusted the boards that forced me to do it, and then the board say, Well, we had no choice. We trusted the government. And then the government says they trusted the WHO and they and blah, blah, blah. And it’s like nobody’s taking radical self responsibility, right? And, I think that’s the problem it, and this illustrated, and now it’s coming all over the place that you know it was, it was wrong to begin with. You know, I’m not going to go it was intentionally wrong. I think, I personally believe so, but…

 

Tasha Darwent  26:18

Me too.

 

Manon Bolliger  26:20

But, yeah, but you know, we can at least say that none of the things they said were true and they covered up everything.

 

Tasha Darwent  26:30

Yep.

 

Manon Bolliger  26:30

And if you look at this, and then you look at you know, other things in medicine, whether it’s you know, cholesterol lie, or whether it’s you know, the hormone replacement lie. Or you start one lie after another, and you start going, Oh, the diabetes Lie. Like, I mean it, it goes so deep.

 

Tasha Darwent  26:51

It sure, does.

 

Manon Bolliger  26:53

You know? And why is that? It’s not because these people that go into health are terrible people. It’s indoctrinated, yeah, and we don’t know it.

 

Tasha Darwent  27:05

Totally, totally, and I think there’s a private, you know, medical, you know, industries that that are at at play, you know. And I agree. I think that various doctors I’ve seen, you know, are well meaning, are wanting to help people and again, it depends on the person, but it’s like, you know, they go to school like for like my husband’s been healing from cancer, right, for example, and so, you know, he’s pretty much healed through a holistic lens, but he goes to his oncologist. And although they’re, they’re wonderful, they’re lovely people. They study chemo and they study radiation and they study, you know, surgical procedures to treat cancer, right? So if we go and that’s because that’s what’s set up for them in their curriculum when they go to med school, right? Or, like doctors, study medicine, right? They don’t study nutrition, they don’t study herbs, they don’t study lifestyle, you know, they study drugs and you know, so I think these forces that be that aren’t really there to support us, that actually set these kind of standards in place and this path in place to have us essentially be, you know, unsure of where to find the truthful answers, and there’s so much misinformation and right like that. That’s kind of the trickle down effect of how that happens. And then when you go to ask your oncologist, hey, is IV vitamin C going to help me? And they’re like, there’s no clinical studies. And it’s like, well, yes, there are, but also, like, it’s not what they have studied, because it’s not intentionally in the material that is put ahead of them to study.

 

Manon Bolliger  28:48

Exactly. And anyway, we should go more on to this.

 

Tasha Darwent  28:53

We could go too long on this.

 

Manon Bolliger  28:57

It’s really pivotal to everyone wanting to take care of their health now, yeah, because we need a true, complete paradigm shift into natural so it’s a good start. But I mean, there’s plenty of lethal natural things. It’s really the attitude of that connection with yourself. And you know, yes, there’s expertise, but you’re always your second best opinion about yourself, if not your first. You know, I think that’s what we have to wake up to and stop making everyone else a God, and not treat ourselves like, you know, at least of light essence.

 

Tasha Darwent  29:44

I love that so much, and I think we can’t get enough of those reminders. You know, I think we all have. I can speak for myself, such a, such a heavy amount of programming from forgetting who we are for so long and being disconnected from that light essence, and whether you believe in lifetime after lifetime, or just this lifetime, the pain and suffering we’ve all gone through and what we’ve been told that we’re not good enough and we can’t trust ourselves and we’re not, you know, goodness, you know, has a lot of unprogramming to happen for us to believe that, you know. And I think this healing path involves many things, but I think that is essentially, you know, at the core of all of it, because that helps us navigate wisely the choices that we make and how we use our own free will. And if we can’t trust that, and we don’t believe that’s there for us, then ,of course, we’re looking outside of ourselves everywhere we turn or direction.

 

Manon Bolliger  30:42

Yeah, yeah, talking about direction, I wanted to jump into a part of your your healing journey, and that was in 2020, I believe you said you came across a Medical Medium. And I have interviewed a few, you know, three years ago, four years ago. And, yeah, I haven’t recently, but I was just curious in your journey, because, you know, you’ve done the physical, you’ve done a lot of the psychological, emotional parts of it. What was the the door that opened, or the door that came your way to open, like, what was that transition?

 

Tasha Darwent  31:28

Totally, totally. Well, it that too happened in stages. You know, in 2020. Was when I finally was broken down and desperate enough to try this information and so this Medical Medium is Anthony William. He’s been a huge presence in supporting people that are chronically ill. He hears spirit of compassion that has guided him from age four to support this population of people that are chronically ill with root causes of their illness and tools as to how to heal. And so, you know, this information kind of came to me. It was years before, and like in passing, I was in the grocery store checking out with a girl I used to nanny, and I was mentioning something about the the pain in my stomach, because I had these reoccurring, intense stomach issues. And she overheard us, and she said, Well, try celery juice, you know. And I was like, you know, kind of rolled big, big eye roll with that, you know, like this person saying, try celery juice. This could help you. And I think I had gotten so jaded in my journey, because I had tried everything I could think of, and I had spent so much time and money, saw so many specialists, and nothing had helped me so this kind of, you know, off the cuff, like, you know, try celery juice. I was like, Yeah, right. But it stuck with me, right? Something stuck with me of like, okay, let me look into this celery juice. So I started just kind of looking into that information years ago, and then I I just kind of left it, I really misinterpreted the information, and I thought it’s all raw vegan, and I tried to eat that kind of way, and because of my missing bowel, I hadn’t healed enough in my gut to be eating all that raw food. So I did myself a disservice by not really looking into the information in a wholehearted way. And then I it took me two more years, oh yeah, for that to come back into my rotation. And it was really because I had been hospitalized three times in 2020, which was obviously the year covid hit too. And so it was just a rough year for everyone, like noone could come in the hospital. It was just a tough time. And I was just so desperate. I couldn’t eat anything. My neurological issues were just horrible. The mental health, you know, was really poor because of all of these chronic issues and so then I and then I started looking more into Anthony Williams information, and I started, and then I started doing celery reduce, because he was saying, celery reduce can help restore the HCL in your stomach and and can help with the, you know, your neurotransmitters and the mineral salts, and kill off pathogens, including viral activity and bacterial activity that is most often at the root of these mysterious chronic health issues, as well as toxic heavy metals.

 

Manon Bolliger  34:51

Yeah, parasites.

 

Tasha Darwent  34:53

Yeah. And it sounded really boring to me. I think that’s part of the reason for. Me. It wasn’t in my belief system. It wasn’t in my world view. I hadn’t been told it by the bazillions of doctors I had seen. So I was kind of like I was just desperate enough to say, Well, what the hell you know? I’ll give it a try. I have nothing to lose. I started kind of following some people on social media, and I got this book called Cleanse to Heal, which was written by him and his in the spirit of compassion, and I just got kind of obsessed with it, because I for the first time ever in my chronic illness journey, I felt heard, I felt seen, I felt validated. I felt like, when I read that book, that those words were speaking to me like that was very divine. And I felt like, Oh, my God, could this? These are the answers for me. And I just started doing celery and my stomach and my brain and my energy and various things started really improving. And I was sort of like, I had believed in the power of nutrition, right? But like, I just didn’t know which nutrition was right for me, you know? And I couldn’t eat any nutrition. So I was just kind of like, so I was pretty impressed when this little simple healing herb, medicinal, you know, herbs started helping me and and so then I just got more interested. And then I started doing something he brought to the world, called the heavy metal detox smoothie. And that started to really help with my depression, with my brain clarity, with clearing out the metals from the other places in my body. And then I was just kind of like, sold, you know, and then I was like, bit by bit, I started adding more from his books and protocols and you know, healing is quite a journey, even after you have the right information. There’s years and years as you know, you know of viral activity, bacterial activity, trauma, stress, metals, toxins in the body, that you know, stress patterns that you that I had to really continue to work with while now bringing in these other healing tools and tinctures and supplements and foods and herbs and things.

 

Manon Bolliger  37:32

And did you actually get to ever speak with him? Or it was always indirectly through his teachings.

 

Tasha Darwent  37:41

It was always indirectly. But your timing’s interesting, because he just had an event in LA that I went to a couple weeks ago, and I didn’t he, he’s very he’s very well known. So he, you know, didn’t get time to speak. There were 1000s of people at this event, but he did sign books, and he did speak, and I did see him, and it was and I had a moment, a moment with him, of just telling him thank you. And really, he looked up and he looked at me right in the eyes, and he said, It is my honor, you know. And it was really, it was just really touching, you know. And it was a really beautiful light filled event with people that all understand each other on a certain level, because we’ve all been on this kind of hellish journey of chronic illness, and we have found healing to some extent, if not the full extent, right?

 

Manon Bolliger  38:40

Well, wonderful, wonderful story. I mean, in the end, it is a journey. Like, it’s, yeah, could be on another one, but this is yours.

 

Tasha Darwent  38:52

It is, and it’s, I know. I mean, it’s like, it is what it is, right? I’m like, would I have chosen these things? Like, I don’t, I don’t know. But in reality, they’re here. They’ve taught me a ton. Now it’s my life’s work to support people with chronic illness and people that have addiction struggles and a history of trauma and, you know, right? Had we not gone through whatever we’ve gone through that made us want…made you want to be a naturopath, or made me want to be a mentor at a halfway house and now in my own business, or with people with chronic illness, like we wouldn’t be of service in the way that we are. And so it’s, there’s a depth to it that’s really, I think, special. And, you know, it’s a tough path to walk, but, you know, here we are, and it’s what we’re doing. So it’s…yeah.

 

Manon Bolliger  39:44

Where can people find out more about you and that we’ll be putting all the notes that you’ve given but verbally to share that?

 

Tasha Darwent  39:56

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So like I said, I have my own practice now, kind of helping the various populations, you know, with chronic illness, with mental health challenges, addiction and you know, all specifically, brain and neurological challenges, as well of digestive and women’s health challenges, but really all of chronic chronic illness. So people can find me at resilient-grace.com that’s my website, and then I’m also, I’ve started to be a bit more on Instagram, and it’s just my first and last name, which is tasha.darwent on IG and it’s Natasha Darwin on Facebook and and I’m also starting a free chronic health challenge support group. And it’s going to be every the first Tuesday of every month, and it’s going to cover a wide range of holistic topics, all things having to do with, you know, things that impact our health and chronic health, from, you know, emotional well being, to community connection, to nutrition, to environmental toxins and pathogens, to, you know, you name it kind of stuff. So I want to just have a place where people can come out of isolation and out of hopelessness and shame, because that’s what happens when people get sick for a long time, and they can come and feel, feel met with empathy and understanding and feel safe sharing what’s really going on for them, and hopefully get some tools and resources to implement and improve their health and well being.

 

Manon Bolliger  41:35

Well, that’s wonderful. And thank you. Our time is like up, it’s past up.

 

Tasha Darwent  41:42

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, pleasure, yes. Thank you.

 

Manon Bolliger  41:48

Your journey I think it always helps and inspires when people can see what really happens, real discussions, you know. So thank you for participating.

 

Tasha Darwent  42:00

My pleasure. Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

 

Ending

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