How to Surrender to Your Emotions to Start Healing with Jeffrey Kerins on The Healers Café with Manon Bolliger

influences, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. David Hawkins with Letting Go for the spiritual side of things or metaphysical, Your Psychic by Deborah Lynn Katz. Calm Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch. Like I realized that in order to kind of heal, I had to look at the trifecta, you know, from body health, mind health, spirit health, and so years of doing that, like I said, like I thought I was getting better, and then suddenly, my dad passed away and then just things got really dark, I started getting symptoms of fibromyalgia, like just bedsheets hurt, clothing hurt to put on my body. And so, again, with the reading, and it’s funny, because after my…not that funny, but after my dad died, I started to see a combination of what almost all these doctors, authors, gurus, coaches, were all saying, especially when it comes to emotional healing. Like that’s, that’s my wheelhouse, but emotions, as I’m sure you know, is attached to physical health, mental health and all that other fun stuff. So, I started to see a common thread with everything and especially say like depression. My past was predicting my future was giving me PTSD. Just anxiety so bad, I just couldn’t get out of bed or just, like if I had a nightmare, I’d wake up and it’d be like a bell ringing in my body. And, yeah, it was not fun. So, I was at my umpteenth seminar, and I started to see just the common thread and it just kind of came to me and is like, if I didn’t accept my past, now, psychological exception, acceptance is it’s okay. I’m okay. It’s gonna be okay. I never ever said that to myself. Ever in life. I was always like, well, I can forgive myself when I get my company going. Again. I can feel better when this happens. And I can do this as putting all these conditions unconsciously, on why I needed to suffer now. And as you’re always trying to look forward with like, but you don’t want to look at the past. So finally, when I started getting the symptoms of fibromyalgia, I thought I was taking steps forward but really, it was just taking five steps back with that. And for the first time ever, I was like, I was like, wow, I’m really messed up and there’s, like, this is me now, like for the rest of my life, like those days are gone, and it’s okay. I’m okay. It’s gonna be okay. And I just bawled my eyes out for like, 30 minutes. And you know what Dr. David Hawkins talks about surrender. I just surrendered. And I just let it all out. And that was the first day kind of my healing. Like, as I felt better, I didn’t think like just on a core level like the nightmares started to stop the PTSD, the tremors or like, the constant fight or flight started to simmer down. And yeah, and it’s like, so, again. So, it’s like, with what I teach the modality is it’s ASLEFT so acceptance, surrender, love, empathy, forgiveness and tolerance. And when you combine those it’s like, people are like well, what do you do, Jeff? And I’m like, well, if you want to beat somebody up or defend yourself, you’ll go learn mixed martial arts. A person’s going to teach you different techniques, and when to apply them and everything else. But you know, George St. Pierre can teach you a sweet rear naked chokehold, but if you don’t practice it, or apply it, then it means nothing. And that’s what this modality is, is that like, and yeah, because I didn’t know what to call myself, I just used the word coach. No, I didn’t spend $29.95 and save now. And now I’m, you know, validated just to talk about people’s feelings in life. It’s really, if you haven’t experienced it, I don’t know. Like, I can always see on YouTube or whatever, when somebody is speaking from a theoretical point of view, like CBT, or DBT. Or I can see when somebody has lived through it, and this is why it works. And everything I teach is life practice. I do have my diploma in addictions work and Social Services. But that was even after I started presenting ASLEFT. So going back to the acronym, so is another thing with my past. So, I accepted what happened in my past, I started to surrender to all the feelings that was built up all the anger, the guilt, the shame, everything, like I really didn’t label it, it was just letting the energy out. Then it started my mind wanting to replay. I realized, I never forgave it, and never forgave the people where I felt like I was a victim. I never forgave myself where I acted inappropriately or whatever. And, forgiveness is a very difficult thing for a lot of people, and especially myself, especially self-forgiveness. And people who can’t forgive themselves carry around the two most toxic emotions I’ve ever seen in life, which is guilt and shame. People in recovery, addictions, everything else, the two most toxic is guilt and shame. And that just kills the body, kills the mind, kills the body. So, as I started to learn to forgive myself, even though I didn’t get apology, or acceptance of apologies from anybody or anything else, I just, like, I’m a human being like it just, you know, I want to do better and everything else. And in that turn, I learned empathy. You know, just having, like, I realized the people who did me wrong…sure, they did me wrong in that time, but two broad stroke them as like, evil people are sociopaths and narcissist. How we always say everyone’s so quick to jump on that whenever their feelings are hurt. There’s sociopaths, and I’m gonna go well, I have been called that before, because I can turn off the feelings and have a sharp tongue when I feel defended. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love my cat. I don’t love my son. I don’t love my mom and my brother and just feel that type of joy. But in that moment, in that snapshot, sure, I can be called that. But so yeah, learning the empathy part of everything, and even with other people that even when they hurt you, sometimes you have to use empathy to go back to even the day they’re born. Like we’re born pure, we’re born innocent, and really the pain and what we do mostly, you know, nature versus nurture. A lot of its nurture more than nature, I believe. And I’ve seen in experience. So yeah, sometimes I have to empathize with somebody going right back to birth and being like, well, they’re not that bad of a person. So, because if I can, if you can get to forgiveness, you win.

 

Manon Bolliger 09:52

Let me just interrupt you on the forgiveness for a minute here. So, like, I get the self-forgiveness. And I think that’s, to me, the most important one is to just honor that you know what, you know, you knew what you knew, then you did what you did. Like, it’s just, that’s life. Right? And you you’re evolving and learning. But the aspect of forgiving, you know, when you mentioned others may not have forgiven you, like, does it really matter in the end for healing that they don’t? Isn’t that their problem? It’s they’re the ones holding on to the angst and to the, whatever it is. It’s like, as long as you can forgive yourself, you don’t need anyone else’s forgiveness. At least that’s what I feel.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 10:45

No, you’re absolutely right. And but this was kind of like my journey I was looking like, we all know, it’s internal life is internal, you know, it’s a subjective mind to an objective life. So, it’s like, so the journey was, and you know, with AA and everything else, I didn’t, I didn’t go to that, again, learned it in school with my father back in the day. I’m not actually a fan of AA. So, they got some good points, but not so much. Yeah. They’re outdated.

 

Manon Bolliger 11:14

I think it’s the labeling, but you know, and you get stuck in the pattern of, there’s no change in it possible. Because you, you first

 

Jeffrey Kerins 11:24

Have a disease.

 

Manon Bolliger 11:25

You have a disease.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 11:26

Sorry, uncurable disease, like, we can cure cancer, we just can’t cure drinking. Yeah.

 

Manon Bolliger 11:34

We don’t want to say that because being a doctor, like my specialty was helping people and you can’t even say the word cure. Because they really would rather you think that everything’s incurable. And everything’s a label, and then you can’t really heal, right? It’s like, oh, well, I guess you have to be dependent on them. So, I totally get your point. And that’s, that’s my issue with AA minus a lot of the community support, which

 

Jeffrey Kerins 12:03

I always say if they’re, if you have no other options, then go for just for the community support. But see, it’s like when somebody gets into addiction, that a narrow mind that got him into addiction, is like, this is the best it gets and just getting on repeat, I don’t want to feel the way I feel and blah, blah, blah. But when somebody is willing to open their mind again, saying like, Yeah, I do have a problem. And yeah, I gotta look at life a different way and everything else, when you’re willing. So, you open your mind, that means you’re allowed to, you’re gonna reprogram your mind, and then you step into AA and they’re like, congratulations, you got a disease, it’s uncomfortable it’s with you for life. So, I’m an empath. I feel people and I’ve gone to I’ve gone to these meetings to support, and I had to do it during school and everything else. And everyone’s sitting in that room. I’ve been to, like, 10 meetings, and everybody in that room, just sitting there white knuckling it, and I can, like it was making me nauseous. And it’s like, and so I wanted to teach as I went up to the guy and I’m like, can I speak? And they’re like, well, are you an alcoholic? I was like, No, I’m on the other side of the coin. I did grow up by you guys. You know, but I was like, and he’s like, No, you can’t speak you know, as a Do you want me to lie and say like, I am like, you know, like, sure I’ve got addictive traits you know, but I’m not I can I’ve never lost control in anything I’ve ever done. You know? So, but yeah, that’s kind of like my take on AA but yeah, it so getting back to the forgiveness part. Yes, I totally agree with you on that, yeah. The inner is the most important and a lot of people want to challenge me, “Well, I can forgive them, but I can’t forget”, like well not forgetting is holding on to the pain because your mind needs that trigger. It needs the emotional charge that you’re carrying in the subconscious which is our body in order do that. That’s unhealthy. Because it’s like if I really say I forgive somebody, I don’t bring up what they do. Everything’s brand new again. Now just because I forgive you does not mean I accept you back into my life you know, but that doesn’t mean I wished like ill will if someone brought you up, I don’t need to go down that road. I don’t even feel like going down that road. And I like they bring up the name and I’m like not like no I don’t like we don’t talk about that. It only hurts when I think about them. I’m way past that so yeah, so that when I realized when I was surrendering and accepting and just getting the feelings out reprogramming the mind and letting my past events even going back to childhood like if you’re willing to go inwards it always goes back to that window of like kind of like the first 15 years you know what I’m saying so had to go but like self-worth type stuff. You gotta go back there, you know.

 

Commercial Break 14:51

Manon Bolliger here and I want to thank you for taking actionable steps towards engaging your healing journey and helping others discover their path by watching, sharing, subscribing, and reviewing these podcasts. Every review and share helps spread the word on these different perspectives and choices and options for healing. And to thank you, I’d like to invite you just sign up to my free seven sequence email tips on health and healing for everyday life. You can go to healerscafe.com tips, thanks so much.,

 

Jeffrey Kerins 15:30

And not blame anybody, but just kind of do that. So, I realized I was just starting to feel the love again in life, even though nothing changed. My financial didn’t change my relationship status with anybody that didn’t change, actually, I had friends leaving me by the mounds, because I was messed up, I was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder just numb and like, fading away down to 120 pounds, so they bail. So, I’m like, I don’t even blame them. Because who would want to be around that type of negativity, you know, but feeling better, I never really gave them a call. You know, I didn’t add anybody back on Facebook, if you know what I mean, just kind of walked it along. So, and it’s like, then, so just the love part, just the feeling of peace and joy, which you know, is our homeostasis. You know, like a lot of people don’t realize that they think it’s something foreign. And they’ve been carrying their pain around for so long they think it’s normal. And, you know, normal is just a cycle in a washing machine, you know, it’s so…Now the tolerance, the T part that you’re like, tolerance is a very politicized word right now. And I started using it before everything got all out of whack. But your tolerance, if you’re driving along, and you’re just pissed off at stuff, and just looking at people and you’re just, you’re more lit, the more…the less tolerant you are, the more pain you’re carrying. So, when I whenever I’m say, like, not being tolerant, just even with my thoughts, maybe not with my actions, and I still got the smile on but I’m just like, this person’s irritating me. This is it. And I’m like, wow, you’re not being tolerant. So, I go inwards, and I start doing the ASLEFT, and they start just why actually look at being like, what’s my diet at? That’s the first thing I do from not being tolerant? You know, how many coffees you had this morning, Jeff, is it really the cashier? Or is it you have too many and you are now on a caffeine sugar crash? So, but usually, when everything’s equal on the inside, and I’m still being intolerant, it’s something subconsciously, that I need to unpack. And I learned the hard way that our subconscious talks to us through emotions. And if we surrender to the motions, then it tells us the stories on a thinking level.

 

Manon Bolliger 17:48

Right? And then our thinking brain adds more stories that retriggers the emotion.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 17:55

You got it. Well, that’s explain between the difference between crying and surrendering. Yeah, crying is like the pot boiling over, you know, the pressure cookers now steaming. And then when the tears come, you think you’re broken, you think you’re losing in the race, I just need 10 minutes, just leave me alone. Don’t look at me. I’m crying. You know, that’s but when you surrender, and you’re like surrendering, ceasing, all resistance to the way you feel for as long as you need to feel it. That’s a journey, especially when you’re working out trauma.

 

Manon Bolliger 18:28

I think that’s I mean, from my, my experience in healing, which has been now about 30 years, I think that’s the only way that people heal in the end, you know, which is like, it doesn’t matter what modality what system, what methods what, and even, like, I have a body based method, which I use, which triggers this process, but it can happen emotionally, it can happen in you know, in many ways, but ultimately, I think that’s how, how we heal, you know, I don’t know, that’s my field.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 19:08

No, absolutely. Like, even with, like, it’s like when they’re talking about the law of attraction. All you got to do is think grateful thoughts because it helps your body to the higher frequency and whatever. Now, when you’ve got trauma, you’re trying to take your 5% conscious mind and you’re trying to undo 95% let’s just call it darkness pain. That’s very difficult, you know, but when you surrender, like it’s like, say, I’m pissed off at somebody in the hurt from the relationship and everything else. If I take the path of forgiveness, it’s going to lead to tears. If I take the path of acceptance, it’s going to lead to tears. It all leads to getting the energy out. And like, as Dr. Joe Dispenza says, that our tears are just physical, or our tears are proof that our motions are physical. I think I’m paraphrasing a little bit, I think.

 

Manon Bolliger 20:03

Yeah, that’s, yeah, that’s right. Yeah. And literally energy in motion, but it’s in the body that we feel it. So, it’s definitely semantic in that sense. Yeah.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 20:14

It’s good that science is catching up it. It’s like, well, now they’re willing to, well, like, it’s maybe in your field, like I said, I’m not a doctor, I don’t have access to a whole bunch of stuff. But it’s like just even a study with Harvard. They did it in 2020, about the benefits of crying, the health benefits.

 

Manon Bolliger 20:33

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 20:34

They’re like, well, after you release, you get endorphins, you get oxytocin and everything else. And life has shown me at times where like, I’d be in the middle of a workout, benching, like doing chest plus, and I got a cry, like, I’m just, it just comes out. And I’m like, I can’t do this right now. Because again, I still have the old belief that crying is weakness. Now, the way I work out is I pyramid, I add more weight, and I do less reps. So, I just put the weights on, and I just did the tears. And I’m like, well, I can’t do this now. Like, I’m messed up. And you know, my intuition is like, go ahead, give it a lift. And, you know, I was lifting it as even for the reps I had to do as doing more because I was now stronger from getting those tears out, getting that energy out. And it’s just like, it’s like, wow, like that was, that was a big one. Like how much stronger and humble whole, I felt, just in the in the surrender session lasted 30 seconds, just because I’m pretty good. When the…I call it the fog, or the darkness comes like just you just, it’s something just doesn’t feel right. You know, call it a mood or whatever. And it’s like, so I set the intention. I accept that it’s there. I’m not going to try and resist or distract. I’m not going to go have a drink or have a smoke. I’m just going to feel you. And you’ll be here for as long as you need to be. And usually, the universe will hook you up with like, a sad, like, you know, Dodo video seeing puppies get rescued. Or you see something, and it just, boom, it goes. And it’s like, and then it’s out! And usually it’ll tell you the story of lack, you know, say like, how’s it it’s being locked down for two years that unpacked or, like, that brought up emotions that I didn’t think existed from segregation, loneliness, fear, isolation, like it was like, Oh, my goodness, like, and what got me through was ASLEFT. Yeah, no, like, I but I got bitter. Like, I thought I finally got to a point halfway through, I think, well, we’re into our third fourth lockdown. I was just like, and I’m looking at the news. And I had no empathy for people. And it was just, it was like, wow, I was like, I’m not mad, I’m not angry. I was like, I am bitter. And it’s like, so had to accept that I was bitter start surrendering to it that took like a week and a half. And I had to, I had to cut off social media and the news, because there’s just, that’s the programming that just kept coming out yet. And it’s like, so I need to unpack this before I go back to this, you know?

 

Manon Bolliger 23:06

Well, it’s been a very trying time. But I also think it’s an incredible healing time, for those who chose to allow, you know, and to see it as all the trigger, you know I was triggered, deeply triggered by, you know, is being like told you can’t, like I actually lost my license because I was a bad girl. As I spoke my truth and well documented truth that, you know, science doesn’t actually matter to these television reporters or to these boards, or to all of that.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 23:44

It’s just the word that they use to silent. See I got concerned is that when they’re giving you one narrative, and educational people are telling saying, well, there’s a problem here, and they get silenced and canceled.

 

Manon Bolliger 23:58

Yeah.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 24:01

That is that right there showed me that we’re headed on a path that we can’t stop, like, from governments to everything else.

 

Manon Bolliger 24:09

Like maybe not through those methods, but the thing is how do you, how do you stay the joyful, happy, peaceful person, like you have to allow all these triggers to come through? Right, like, that’s what I mean by you know, I was well triggered.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 24:30

Yeah, no. And again, like, well, I’m glad I respect you that you stuck with your truth, and whatever it be. So, and again, what we witnessed over the last couple of years was profit over people.

 

Manon Bolliger 24:44

Yeah. 100%

 

Jeffrey Kerins 24:45

And is like from I don’t think we need to unpack each lie each stage that we went through. And again. It’s like what gave me a lot of solace was Mateus Desmond, Dr. Matias Desmond, the theory of mass formation, psychosis, yes, yeah. And it just, and it all made sense. And why rational people started just going.

 

Manon Bolliger 25:11

Exactly. And also, it really helped to not judge. Because after a while it becomes it’s so difficult at times to see people with two or three masks on. And they’re like, you know, and you know that they’re breathing in their own bacteria and…

 

Jeffrey Kerins 25:35

Ya just cycling it back through.

 

Manon Bolliger 25:36

And just, it’s awful. And yet they believe this endless propaganda narrative, even when it’s past, right, and this is because they have this free floating anxiety, they found their solution, they found their God, you know, and that’s it. And now they don’t know what to do, and it’s so, you know, yeah, it was easy at first to kind of go, well just wake up, take it off. And it’s like, I didn’t say that, of course. But the inner voice was like that. And then to sort of say, wait a minute here, they’re really in a mass psychosis, they cannot just snap out of it. And what’s the trauma behind that? What’s the refloating anxiety, this is the root cause.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 26:24

Or lack and also lack of feeling of purpose in life. Oh, and then the, because, again, what I learned about emotions is that when we feel fear, if we do nothing with it, it just turns into anger.

 

Manon Bolliger 26:36

Mm hmm. That’s interesting.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 26:39

Like I learned, I believe, and I’ve, well, I’ve witnessed that, like, there’s only really one purpose for a human being to feel anger is to take you to the level of courage what was making you feel fearful? To do something about it?

 

Manon Bolliger 26:54

Okay, that I can that I can see. That’s very interesting. I will think about that one.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 26:59

It’s yeah, it’s just like, because be like when that now when I’m angry. I’m like, okay, what am I fearful of? Like, deep, deep anger? Like, not the waiting in line too long or traffic sucks? No, no, no, like the deep stuff being like a core belief of why I’m angry with someone or something or about my life. Because again, what started at the basis is the fear.

 

Manon Bolliger 27:24

Can you tell me a little bit more about this club surrender?

 

Jeffrey Kerins 27:28

All right, yeah, no, well, it is new. I’ve thought about that. So, I always do research on the topics I teach and the words I teach more information the better for it, somebody. So, I was looking at the health benefits of crying. And as Harvard Medical was doing a study talking about like, scientifically, reducing blood pressure, releasing endorphins and releasing muscle tension. So, like on a biological level, because people look at crying as weak. And then there was another article, a doctor assessing in Japan distress got so much that they started crying clubs. And the translation in Japanese said, seeking tears and I kind of giggled cause I’m like that would never fly in North American. Never. So, but I was like, but I, but I can talk about surrender all day long and feel like a man like not feeling like I’m being you know what I’m saying? Like I can talk because it’s a natural process that we need to feel better. So, I was like, all right, instead of, you know, club crying. I was like, how about a surrender club where you beat up and you just because again, once you connect the conscious mind to the subconscious feeling the tears are going to flow, and I’m pretty good at triggering people.

 

Manon Bolliger 28:42

You are also good at making people laugh, I think. And they’re very close, right? It’s just the expression of our emotions.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 28:50

Yeah, it’s like, I can laugh at myself all day long, because I healed the shame of my life. So, what I’m just going to, again, it’s going to be online at first and it’s going to be a club. So, the, it’s going to be 30 bucks for your first meeting. And that’s the only time you’re going to get charged. Then after I’m gonna have a I’ve got a private group set up on Facebook, I’m doing my advertising on Facebook. So, it kind of works. Eventually, I’m gonna have my own private app for to support people. So they so once you have the meeting, then you join the group and start telling your story and narrow downs but I’m also doing in the group, when you join the group, you’re doing it anonymously, no names, so you can turn on the video to connect, but no names because I don’t know who’s stepping in there. I don’t know. You know, from a mental health aspect. I gotta keep people safe until they can feel comfortable, whatever, but the whole goal of the meeting is to get you to cry. So, you can tell your story. And then once the tears go, we’re on to somebody else. And but if you’re, if you’re just sitting there watching, then at the end, I will give you all the techniques I will Learn on how to surrender on how to get triggered and let it out so you can practice on your own but now you’re part of a group.

 

Manon Bolliger 30:07

That’s great. Okay,

 

Jeffrey Kerins 30:08

Yeah, wish me luck. It hasn’t yet I don’t even have a sign up yet. We’ll see what happens.

 

Manon Bolliger 30:13

Okay. A pleasure having you here and…

 

Jeffrey Kerins 30:17

Thanks for having me.

 

Manon Bolliger 30:18

…getting those things out and published and yeah, the world needs people who are authentic and healers. So, thank you.

 

Jeffrey Kerins 30:28

Thanks Doc.

 

ENDING: 41:33

Thank you for joining us at the Healers Café with Manon Bolliger. Continue your healing journey by visiting TheHealersCafe.com and her website and discover how to listen to your body and reboot optimal health or DrManonBolliger.com/tips.