How to Take Care Of Myself with Anna Kowalska on The Healers Café with Dr. Manon Bolliger, ND

 

 

 

Anna Kowalska (02:52):

So I follow the rules go to school, get a job. I was bitten by entrepreneurial bug pretty early on, but I still followed the corporate structure, the corporate route. So I had, I was about to get married. We had a multimillion dollar business ,houses, cars, dogs, beautiful life planned out. I was about to get married in a costal, like, I mean, storybook life on paper right! inside. …..Not at all. I was frustrated. I was never diagnosed with depression, but I’m pretty sure that I was getting pretty close. And I’m like, how is this possible that my life could look so perfect on the outside? And people envy me because they tell me all the time while your life is so great. And, I wish I had your life, everything is so good.

Anna Kowalska (03:51):

I’m supposed to feel good about everything that I’ve created and I’m supposed to feel good about everything that I have people in my life, the man I’m about to marry yet. Happiness is nowhere near nowhere in my experience of what life should feel like. Right. I really started to feel like I was being imprisoned by it. Like all of a sudden I was becoming somebody that I didn’t know how to be. And it just felt very uncomfortable more than anything. I became really angry, frustrated, angry. And one day, just a few months before, before the wedding, I had an experience of, Oh, now I know what to call it. But at the time I didn’t, it was my wings on my back that let me know they’re there. So what it felt like was like my back being really tight and something being tied on my back with a rope. And I knew that sensation I’m like, there is a rope tying something on my back. Right. But I had no idea what it was. And I knew that that feeling was a signal for me to go in a different direction because direction I am about to go to is not going to take me where I am supposed to go from my higher self perspective.

Dr Manon (05:10):

Very interesting, that you, experienced it like a symbol literally……..you had to pay attention. Right? because you could have just taken painkillers and hope it would go away. So there was something that made you decide to listen to the body and that also made you, did you actually envision wings ? So you, you were feeling like a rope. And then how……….. Explain that further? because that’s, one of the things I help people with is also understanding the metaphors and the symbols that we experience in our journey …….constantly in the healing journey. So it’s very hard to decide when that ends, you know? But so tell me more if you don’t mind. So let us go back there and what was happening.

Anna Kowalska (06:11):

So I’ll tell you very specifically because the moment is very clear. In my mind, we were living in a beautiful $2 million house, we were renovating piece by piece, and about to renovate the master suite. So my soon to be husband and I were in a bathroom and he handed me over a toothbrush and I don’t know what it was about the toothbrush. And since then, I am speculating that it’s so symbolic. You know, when you, with somebody, you have to brush us together on a toothbrushes, like a symbolic. When you live somewhere, that’s where your toothbrush stays. He handed me a toothbrush. And all of a sudden I reached my hand out and something on my back just went really tight. And I know what the stress feels like, right? Like when you’re, when your shoulder blades are really tight, I know what it feels like that wasn’t it. I literally felt like somebody took a rope and I felt the pieces of rope touching my back now in that moment, I was like, Oh my gosh, I’m about to get tied up. I’m about to get tied up.

Anna Kowalska (07:20):

Because there is this rope, right. And against my back, what’s going on. And spirituality, wasn’t part of my experience yet symbolism. Wasn’t part of my experience. So I really didn’t know what to think about it. I was a little bit into dreams so I could interpret dreams, but this wasn’t a dream. I was very, I was awake. Right. Well, I guess depends how you look at it.

Dr Manon (07:41):

Yeah. I get what you mean.

Anna Kowalska (07:45):

So in that moment, I was like, I’m about to get tied up. I have to get out. And so that’s the only thing I knew in a moment I have to get out. I knew that it took me a few more months. I didn’t say anything to him. I didn’t say I’m about to get tied up. I have to get out. I took the toothbrush and we continued, but I knew in that moment that it was over. And I knew that I had to take a different path. Now, later on, as I started to get into spirituality and start believing in angels, I grew up Catholic. So angels were the little cherups, you know, in a dome of a church

Anna Kowalska (08:24):

When I started to get into spirituality and symbolism and, and start paying attention to, there is something else to life. All of a sudden, my head knowing I’m like, and I don’t know where that came from either, but I had a knowing those were my wings. I just knew those were my wings. And my wings were about to get tighter. They were already tied up. They were about to get tighter with a knot that I could probably wouldn’t be able to take off. And from my upbringing, I know that it would be very difficult for me to go through a divorce if I actually went through the marriage, went through with the marriage. So that’s probably what happened. And I never actually said it this way to anybody, but I’m like, yeah, if I, the divorce would have been unacceptable.

Dr Manon (09:13):

So, it was like now or never

Dr Manon (09:19):

Yes. Now or never And it took me a few months and I did get out of that relationship. And speaking of numbing out, because you said I could have taken a pill, I got into drinking alcohol because I took the step. But then after the step, there is this void and you’re getting stripped of everything. I mean, everything was tied up. My whole life was tied up into that relationship. And I know how closely your story is tied into ……..everything had to be stripped away when you left the relationship.

Anna Kowalska (09:59):

Everything just, I mean, my businesses, my houses, my dogs, my friends, my social life, everything, all of a sudden I had to plug myself out. We lived in a small community. So I had, I plugged myself out, but I was still surrounded by all the same people, but now being a different role. And I started to drink alcohol and I drank alcohol to numb out. It started to really impact my experience of life and my effectiveness. And that’s actually interestingly when my hormonal imbalance kicked in, So I was born with hormonal imbalances, genetics. I had some symptoms, but not too much. And when I started to drink drastically, my hormonal imbalance started to really kick in the symptoms of it. And it’s what eventually made me stop drinking and get into health and nutrition and mindfulness, my body told me enough.

Dr Manon (11:05):

I was listening to your story and you saw it very much like ropes, you know? And that was…….. So you had a visual of ropes. Right. And it’s, it’s interesting. because I was thinking, as you’re speaking, I’m seeing this Caterpillar that is like, you’re, you know, you’re trying to get out because like the Caterpillar becomes a butterfly, but doesn’t know it right when they’re in the Caterpillar life, you know, but it’s like you for you and the ropes are the symbols because it felt like it tied you down. And there was no, there were no wings. There was no way to get, but to get out without going into deep personal life or anything because that’s not the purpose here. I’m not trying to do therapy here. I’m just curious though, like how, how did you, like, that’s your process of stepping out, knowing then, you know, not having the support, so drinking and then waking up to like, Oh my God, this can go on and on. I got to shift it. Right. But what was it like for, for your partner? How were you able to share this or not share this and what has, what has happened after all these years?

Anna Kowalska (12:40):

I wasn’t able to share it. I think in a moment I couldn’t really explain what was always going on. I really couldn’t explain. I grew up in a very traditional family in a very traditional environment. You get married, you have kids. That’s what happens in life. Right. And I love my mum very dearly, but when I was breaking up that relationship, she said, why don’t you have a child, sometimes that fixes something.

Dr Manon (13:07):

Right. And that’s so often like that was told so often.yeah. Or a pet.

Anna Kowalska (13:16):

Yeah. We already had two dogs.

Anna Kowalska (13:24):

Yeah. So in my worldview at a time, I really didn’t know what’s going on. I mean to a degree now that I think about it, I did think there was something wrong with me because why was I rejecting such a perfect life? I mean, I grew up, so like I said, I grew up in Poland in a communist country. We weren’t poor, but we, it’s not like we were a rich family. Right. So coming to America, we came back down to nothing. I mean, we each came with a suitcase and we had a family here, but you know, my family, my parents started from the ground up again. So all of a sudden I’m in this relationship that has given me a space to have all these things.

Anna Kowalska (14:11):

Who am I to reject this man who truly, he did love me very much. And seemingly we had a great relationship, again, two dogs, sports cars, house in Florida well, there’s gotta be something wrong with me to say, this is not going to work right in my worldview. So I really couldn’t have a conversation at a time because the way I saw it. And the only way I could explain it…… Was that I was rejecting him. right. I couldn’t reject the worldview. I had the only thing that wasn’t right. Was the relationship. Right. So that there was no conversation. And we did go for seven years, we went back and forth, figuring out where did we go wrong? And we would date for awhile and break up and date for a while.

Anna Kowalska (15:03):

And then eventually we just said, this is it. We could, we could no longer go on. And it was soon after I stopped drinking that I got the clarity and I said, okay, this has to end, but for me to be able to go on. And when it did, I was able to, I was able to start seeing things differently. And I went to nutrition, school, holistic nutrition school to learn how to take care of myself. Yeah. And that was the first way that I actually started to take care of myself properly, which has learned how to feed myself good food.

Dr Manon (15:33):

And so are you in do you ever talk, did you end it in a piece by the end? Yes.

Anna Kowalska (16:00):

Yes. There were several conversations since then, and it’s only because I have done, I have done the work to pick up the phone and say, this is what happened. This is what I made it mean. Yeah, objectively, nothing is ever wrong. And it’s like, it is always what we make things mean, you know? But sometimes yeah. Sometimes you shift, you move and that’s also not wrong, you know? So it’s very interesting, you know how that all happens. Absolutely. Yes. And I don’t regret a moment looking backwards. I’m like looking back at what happened and decisions I’ve made and some parts of what I wish I did differently. And even for the sake of people around me, not even for me, but because of where I am right now, I am extremely grateful.

Dr Manon (16:58):

All those experiences. Yeah. So you went into nutrition to look after yourself, that information isn’t always completely out there and you were interested in it then what led you to scientific hand analysis. That’s what it is. Yes. So what got you there?

Anna Kowalska (17:25):

So it’s interesting when that relationship ended, I went on a streak the first ending, the one, when I actually called off the marriage, I went on a streak of trying somebody else to tell me what’s going to happen with my life. So psychics, intuitives, card readers, leaf readers, toe readers……….became my second job. My weekends were filled with search from the outside with somebody to tell me what is it that my life is about. And more importantly, when will I get married?

Anna Kowalska (18:02):

Because remember my worldview at the time was that had to happen. It’s just, this is not the right person clearly. So when is the right person going to come in? Like that was my perspective at a time. And I remember, I think about six months into it, I started to realize that I was being fed. I was being fed things that I necessarily didn’t believe, but I was taking on. So I swore off any kind of modalities that would tell me anything about me until eight years ago. Now a friend of mine told me I was already along the journey. I was already a coach and a practitioner and a friend and I was still seeking something. There was still something missing. And a friend of mine told me why don’t you look into scientific hand analysis? And I first said, no, because of my experience, years, years back.

Anna Kowalska (18:50):

And she said, no it’s a little bit different that it was actually science to it. So there was a man named Richard….. Who created the system. He began back in the sixties, 1960. He was given an insight to look into it. And he put palmistry together with science about human personalities and everything he could dig up about what hands really mean. And apparently hands were already used as a tool to direct young men because women were not directed at a time in like the 15 hundreds into their proper profession. So he dug up all the information and he started to research. He would read people’s hands, analyze them and then put them into the system. And if they met a satisfactory repeated evidence that this is exactly what this means for somebody experienced, he would make it a rule. So now there is a system behind it and, and there are many of us using it. Proving constantly that what he saw is actually true. So what happened for me is I looked it up and I said, okay, it’s scientific. Which means it’s repeatable and teachable. I can actually get my brain can behind it. And it’s tangible because it’s in my hands. So I had my hands analyzed and I am very familiar with all personality tests out there.

Anna Kowalska (20:16):

None of them ever truly grasped who I was. And my theory on that is they’re great and they’re useful, but they tell, I am the person who is answering the questions. So however, I see myself in a moment or whatever the results I want to get confirm or not. That’s how I will answer the question. It’s very subjective, right?

Dr Manon (20:36):

Yeah, it’s subjective. And it’s like……. How you want to see yourself? Isn’t necessarily how you really are.

Anna Kowalska (20:55):

Absolutely true. And I think, especially for women, you know, we change within a month, our hormones shift ,shift our emotions shift. If I had a good day, I will answer one way because I feel really good about myself. But if I woke up that morning and I don’t feel good because I had a fight with my partner or somebody told me that I suck at what I do never happens, but I have a certain perspective of myself, right? Like if something didn’t work that I was trying to do, I will answer the question very differently on the day when I feel good about myself versus not ,period. So in hand analysis, the woman who did the analysis for me was able to pull out the very few specific things about who I am, not even about what I do or my future or specific like things that have happened.

Anna Kowalska (21:43):

There are traits of my personality. There were certain inmate talents that I knew I had that I never ever spoke about or used. But once in a while I would become aware of them. It was a glimpse. And then I would suppress it when she pulled it out. And she said, this, this is, this, this and this. Like, this is who you are. I just had this. First of all, I cried on a spot. I couldn’t even talk, I choked up. I said, I’ve known this my whole entire life. Why, did nobody ever tell me that this is who I am. That was my first place I went to as a kid. I’m like, I was already dead. Why did nobody ever tell me or direct me in a direction to, to grow that potential and talent. Right. So I followed who I was in my, in a hand analysis for several years. And eventually it led me to a point where I was in a room with the teacher of the system. And she said, okay, anybody who wants to come learn with me, I will give you an opportunity. And my whole body, I had chills and fire all at the same time.

Dr Manon (22:54):

thats inner knowing, you know, and we so deny it, you know, where we’re taught to, Oh, well, that’s just a feeling what about that? Right? Or it’s like, Oh, you know, I mean, part of it is distinguishing if it’s a fear or if it’s an, a deeper, like intuitive insight, you know? And yeah, in my training, I had to go through that. I’d be very curious. How do you know that it’s a……….to an inner knowing intuitive, because you seem to have no problem following it. You know, how do you know? It’s not that other voice.

Anna Kowalska (23:52):

Good distinction. because you said, you just said that other voice, right. It’s a voice when it’s a fear, it’s in my head. I actually feel it in my head. And it was a journey for me to really question. How do I know? Is this me being afraid of this? I mean, I was afraid of this my whole life and I’ve, and I’ve gathered evidence that this is not who I am when I really was that. Right. And how do I know that this is really like the truth and it was a journey for sure. And I, and there were many times when I didn’t get it right. But at this point it is really a difference between it’s in my body or it’s in my head. And even the fear, if I feel the fear in my body, it’s a sensation. Right. I will still ask, is this a story that I’m responding to right now? Something that I have, you know, my brain is wired to spot and run away from.

Dr Manon (24:58):

it could be your subconscious programming or whatever that you may not be aware of.

Anna Kowalska (25:07):

Absolutely. So I’ll still ask and I don’t know if we have, I don’t know this, this is my theory right now. I don’t know if we truly fully ever know 100% because there are so many stories we have in our mind, we don’t ever know. Right. Are we at the end of the stories? Like, is this the last story that doesn’t serve me that I made up that I’m clearing out?

Dr Manon (25:31):

I don’t say it’s in my head because I feel like, I feel like a thought is almost outside. It’s like a thought I project out, you know, and I look at, if I’m not happy with the thought, if I don’t feel good, then it’s probably a lie. Yeah. Yeah. And therefore it could be a fear. It could be whatever it is. And so what I, what I’ve learnt or trained myself to do is to put those thoughts in a little cloud, you know, very kindly and, you know, blow it away. It sounds insane, but it works right. But it works because it’s like, it’s a pattern interrupt for one. And I literally put it in a cloud and the cloud is puffy and floats.

Speaker 1 (26:33):

I can actually visualize, it’s interesting because the rest is, you know, like for example, when I decided that well actually after I got my hand read, which blew my mind away entirely because, you know, I think I’ve done. Like you, I’ve done, you know, every once in a while you go into a crisis and you go, somebody telling me what to do. Like, what’s my horoscope today. What’s this what’s that, you know, whatever, just tell me just so I totally understand that. And then the rest of them, you know, back to being more more clear and understanding that it is from within and then anyway, but I did go see this person from Germany and he he didn’t know who I was, he didn’t know anything about me and I made sure that the person organizing this would not let them know. And then I also invited quite a few of my patients and just, you know, to come into the space and anyway, and when he read my my hand, he said, Oh, you’re a healer. It’s like, okay, well, yes, that’s totally true. I didn’t confirm, I just listened to him. And he said, you’re a speaker. And that was interesting because I always felt like when I was young, I would put on plays. I would do all kinds of things. And then as I became, an adult a lot of that just got thrown away and not really, you know acted upon though. I did put a play together, so I’d come to think. I didn’t completely suppress it, but that was the last kind of thing about when i was 21. And I’m well older than that, you know, almost 60 now. it was amazing.

Dr Manon (28:36):

That thought that when he said it true in my body, like you said, it’s like peace for a moment. And then it was like, Oh my God, how am I going to, how am I going to be good at this? How am I going to do this? But that is a very different spot and fear. Then the fear that comes kind of seemingly from the outside, that’s like a recorded thing. it’s like, even though you have fear, you know, it’s right. It’s like, and you know it in your body. So it’s interesting that you share that because that’s very much how I try and explain it. And you know, a lot of people have come to understand that difference and it’s subtle.

Anna Kowalska (29:34):

with practice, it becomes really, it becomes distinct.

Dr Manon (29:42):

Exactly anything you put your attention to really, you know, you can start seeing it better because you’re focused on it, you know?So now so now what do you do?

Anna Kowalska (29:57):

So now I use the tool that gave me my freedom. it’s probably around the time is when I got that visual of my wings of the butterfly opening up. Like I understood it.Because part of my experience in life and one of my values based on my hands confirmed by my hands is freedom. So it totally made sense that being tied up would have been, you know, deathly scary, right? Yeah. So now I use this tool, I use scientific hand analysis and there is something about it. That’s like that I am very connected to, I, I don’t know if I’ve done it in prior lifetimes. There is something that I’m very connected to it. As a modality. I use other systems like human design and gene keys and other, and other systems like that, that are helping me pinpoint to people, confirm to people who they are, who they have surpressed they really came here to be right. But something about hand analysis, maybe it’s the kinds of all aspects. You can actually touch the lines on your hands and you can touch the places where your soul left a little message for you. Right.

Dr Manon (31:14):

Have you ever done that to help or read somebody’s hand for example. And they’re like, no, that’s not. I don’t see that. Or no, I didn’t get married three times or whatever the story is.

Anna Kowalska (31:29):

Yeah. It has happened a couple times and we don’t use hand analysis to like tell them, okay, you’re married or you’re not married. I can tell them what would be like if they tell me what about a relationship I can say, well, you would be happier in a relationship than by yourself because of the way your Heartline shows me. Your Heartline shows me as somebody who,s happier being in a relationship then than not. Right. So it’s about the way that we are. And I did have twice, somebody completely refused everything I said to them. And the reason for that was in hand analysis is like, is like the world we live in, where there is a polarity. So for abundance there exists luck. There is light. There’s gotta be darkness. So the way we are meant to be, there is the other side, right?

Anna Kowalska (32:19):

Like the way that will not feel good if we are. So for example, if we are here to be in a spotlight and seen for our gifts, on the other side, there was a fear of rejection, right? And most people, if they are searching and not feeling good about who they are or about their life is because they are in this, in this other part, that doesn’t feel good. So when I talk to somebody who has been shut down from before, they were even came out of their mom’s womb, right. They were shut down. Their mom was in fear for life and fear of rejection. I’m just going to use that thread. And they have taken that on, right. Because energetically, if they can get on from the very first moment they were living in a fear of rejection. They never ever experienced being seen for who they are and express themselves and being appreciated for it. And I tell them, you came here to be seen, expressed and applauded for it. I appreciate it for it. That will be a very foreign experience to them. And then I will say to them, you, are you familiar with a fear of rejection? They’re like 100%.

Dr Manon (33:32):

So it’s not what you will be or what you do your hand. Right. It’s, it’s really more like a map. Right. So if you are confused or unsure then you could potentially see what this brings up of which you either dance with or kind of go, no, because you’re not…….it doesn’t make you do a thing or another, it just illuminates where there might be potential to be gained or growth to be had or whatever it is.

Anna Kowalska (34:22):

And if people, if whoever it is, and I tell them, this is the experience you want it to have all the leadership, you want it to know what it’s like to be a leader. And the person says, I think I’m okay with my life, the way it is. It’s their choice,

Dr Manon (34:38):

I remember when I was told this, you know, I had this feeling like, Oh, you know, this is me. Right. And it felt right, but I couldn’t see where I would start. I had no idea, like what … I’m fully in my practice, I’m teaching, you know? So yeah…… That’s not speaking, it’s speaking, but it’s not like I knew it wasn’t the same resonance that, that when he read my hand, he said I would be speaking. And it’s like, Oh my goodness gracious. You know, what do I need to do? And you know, and so I did a lot of visualizations and then snap with it and it’s like, Hmm, it’s not that it’s not that, you know, it’s kind of funny,, but it’s like, because it became part of my consciousness that this could be a thing that I may end up doing.

Dr Manon (35:40):

It’s like on my radar. Right. So I remember there’s a training that it was originally for writing because I’m writing in my second book now. And, and and then it had a part you could tag the public speaking piece and I kind of went like, Oh gosh, is this like you know for schools that offer, so it’s, you know, it’s a sale and it’s like, Oh my gosh, you know, I’m so susceptible to anything that potentially is aligned. It’s like, Oh, okay. You know, just breathe through this. And at the end it’s like, Hmm, this feels right. And what was incredible is, so I said, yes….And then very shortly after I was asked to be on a TEDx talk and it was like, Oh, okay, thank God. Thank God. I said, yes. Yes. Because it’s like, Oh gosh, I get the, I get the training, you know? And then, and then life became interesting because I’m with the, COVID my team. But the Ted talk was May 9th, which is canceled now. Right. Postponed what happens. But it’s, it’s been a very interesting introspective dance with this. Like we’re on one level, everything seems incredibly aligned and there’s twists. Right. So that’s where the mind does the story. Right. But the original, it felt right. Right.

Anna Kowalska (37:20):

And, people will take that covid19 and cancellation of that means maybe that’s not what I should be doing. Right. But that’s not that at all. Right. Because your original yes. Was still a very much a yes.

Dr Manon (37:34):

Yeah. And therefore I launched the podcast because I realized like, Oh my gosh, you know, I did a few just to see, you know, it’s like, Oh, okay. This is so interesting. It’s like, if you put it out there, you dance with it a bit, like you explained, you know, in your life, you didn’t quite know you were, you did nutritionally this, but eventually if you’re dancing in the field, something, it says, this is for you. And you know, it, there’s no doubt. Right. Yeah.

Dr Manon (38:06):

And then, you know, it’s not like it wasn’t challenging for me to bring it into my work and make it part of what I do. Because again, my upbringing still, right. It’s not okay. I mean, what are you all of a sudden reading hands,?????

Dr Manon (38:20):

Anyway, so listen, our time is strangely up, but is there a last something you would like to share with?

Anna Kowalska (38:44):

Yes. I would. The journey of getting to know yourself truly is a journey of healing because I know you speaking, it’s a healers cafe I haven’t found anything in my life, more rewarding than going through different layers of who I am and healing different parts. I mean, there is nothing more fascinating to me than having conversations about healing journeys with people. And I think where we are right now is our collective healing journey.

Anna Kowalska (39:23):

And I think there are a lot of people who are, who are looking for support from those who have gone before your audience. Right. Which is why that is such, I am such a huge advocate for people who have any kind of healing gifts. Modalities must stand up, raise, hands, speak, let the rest of the world know, come this way. I, there is something I can help you with because I know how you feel.

Dr Manon (39:51):

,it really is the time for healers. I mean, it’s, it’s incredible. And self identified healers, you know, that’s what, because the thing is, as you know, once you go into the healing, you know, you’re not the healer, it’s the person, right. Like, so it’s kind of a myth, you know, but everyone relates to the healers cafe because on some level that’s how we got in, you know, we just recognize something and then it, and then we, we realized the myth about it, you know? But we’re definitely in a world right now that is going to need lots of healing. So yes.

Anna Kowalska (40:34):

Yeah. So everybody who recognizes that, something about themselves in the category of healing must, must all hands on deck. So thank you for the work you do.

Dr Manon (40:46):

Well, thank you for also sharing with me what you do because the idea there, isn’t the one thing, it’s the thing that resonates. And that’s my also part of the idea with the healers cafe is, you know, I’ve had so many, you know, psychiatrists, dentists surgeons naturopaths, homeopaths Bowen therapists, like my gosh all kinds of modalities that I’m not as familiar with, but it’s a very open, do you understand the path? You know, because I do think that all these things show up at the right moment for the right people, you know, and it’s part of our evolution. Anyway, we need to make that 40 minutes. Thank you so much. For, for being here.

Speaker 2 (41:37):

My pleasure. Thank you

 

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